EL PORQUE Y COMO, DE LA CREACION DE LUKA’S EL HECHICERO

(WHY AND HOW CONCERNING THE CREATION OF LUKAS THE WISEMAN)

It all started on a summer Sunday, the weather was terrible and we couldn’t enjoy our passion and hobby; our motorbikes. Because I am really furious, I think I can relieve all my anger by writing what happened in the forum or of our club. And so the following:

Published: Monday 25th Sept 2006, 4:41 pm. Matter: Route in dry. Hello everybody:

It was a summer morning here in my place. The bike was in a perfect state of cleanliness and when I looked through the window; it’s raining! One hour later and I felt like a devil, someone phoned me and told me that our friends in Gijon are coming and they are going to have lunch in Arriondas, in order to be nearer to Ribadesella in order to arrive at the meeting. And then I had a look through he window and to my surprise the Sun is shining.

We keep in contact with everybody. The majority of us are going to meet up and we are meeting new friends from San Vicente De La Barquera. The birth place of Bisbal, oh no no! Bustamante! Anyway we are going to have a blat on the bikes with our colleagues. (Such is the illusion of Benjamin, a member of our team, who’s called Eloy and who has a red Aprilia); the last day I saw him was in the garage of his uncle, Jean Paul, (also a member of the club). in Ribadesella and his bike is more looked after, checked over and cleaner than Jorge Lorenzo’s, the difference between Eloy and Lorenzo is Lorenzo is more trendy, flash and faster on the bends, but our friend Eloy is a good boy.

Anyway; I am still phoning round and getting calls from everybody when suddenly I look through the window again (I look through the window more times than Sete Gibenau has accidents; you know number ‘15’. By the way the man who sells the lottery tickets told me that the people want numbers that end in 15 because the adverts say ‘Just in case it falls down here’ and Sete was always falling off his bike, so he sells a lot of tickets ending in 15). What a surprise! It’s cloudy in the Llovio area and I think it’s going to rain a lot; I’m going the wait for a miracle or something like that!

At that moment Jorge phoned me (Yam R1). This man is known only by the people of Ribadesella because he is not a member of the club, when he needs to satisfy his addiction and cure his ‘cold turkey’ he goes out a little bit on the bike, and he tells me: ‘Torre is 4 or 5 km in a straight line from my place. It’s raining a lot and I don’t want get wet…I’m not going to go’. And I answer ‘Well see you soon, goodbye’.

It’s cloudy but it’s not raining. Then I decided to take my bike and wait for the people from the club in the sidraria (cider bar), so I go to the garage all kitted up, and look forward to when it’s going to stop raining, maybe in a couple of hours or less.

Suddenly I see the big Lukas; he is coming to the garage with a wet crash helmet. When he opens the visor, you can see inside; he looks something like if Schumachar was overtaken by a Minardi on the straights in Turkey, and he tells me ‘Such a funny face you have’, I don’t answer because I’m angry, but I think to myself ‘Not as funny as yours’. It’s a fact that it’s not going to be a day like we hoped for; at that moment it started to rain just like at the grand prix in Malaysia. We start to send messages to everybody to say we’re not going to go. On one side of the garage is the big Lukas; on the other side is Manu, and in the middle me. Our mobiles are busy.

And the people from Gijon? The poor people in the middle of the great flood and they are calling and asking if they should come or stay put. Then the big Lukas, president and first minister of the club, says the obvious: ‘Let’s go home, it’s raining’.

Minutes later the big Lukas and I went to have a drink to forget our pain and we chat about how fantastic it would be to be out with 15 or 20 bikers. Oh well another time. The 1st of October at 15:30 we meet in la sidraria ‘La Marina’ in Ribadesella. If you know a wiseman, black magic, white magic or whatever colour of magic, please introduce us, they are going to be honourific members of our club, because we have been very unlucky with the weather lately.

Today, just one day later, I’m writing this, in the morning I need to switch on the air con in my car and in the afternoon I have to close the blinds in my house because the sun is shining on the screen of my PC and I can’t see what I’m typing. PS: Our friend Jorge isn’t drunk on Saturday; it must be true that it was raining in Torre. Best wishes friends, regards and cider for everybody.

A couple of days later…. After I wrote this and in order that somebody gives me the address of a magician; I decided to create our own particular wiseman: ‘Lukas the Wiseman’ and beg him to look after our next bike meeting, which will be on Sunday (If the weather lets us)

A few days later while I was surfing the internet at home, the big Lukas arrived and told me ‘Put this link in the PC and don’t delete it, because on this web page you can see the weather forecast one week in advance’, (the big Lukas knows more about computers than me, the problem is I don’t know anything, so that’s not saying much; anyway I can’t delete the link because I don’t know how to.

I told him ‘Ok calm down, I’m not going to delete this, lets have a look at the weather forecast for Sunday.’ On the screen starts to appear low pressure lines and everything looks black and full rain for everywhere from Tuesday to Sunday. And what’s more; the route that we were planning is as bleak as Checa’s chances of winning the MotoGp this year.

With all of this bad news you can imagine that I am really upset, maybe the next Sunday we can go out on the bike again. I am fed up of the rain, even when everyone says that we need the rain because there are droughts. If you don’t believe me you can ask Bertostion, who bought a sow ester in Decathlon superstore, by the way he says that it’s waterproof. I’m not sure but I think it’s just raining on me and my friends; Ah! I have an idea, we are going to use the panniers as rain reservoirs, and we can sell the water at the next MotoGp in Jerez, because they don’t have a lot of water there.

As a consequence of the weather forecast on the web page, my friend decided to take his bike to the ITV (MOT) place. The days pass by and it doesn’t rain at all. Every day the big Lukas tries to cheer me up, he says: ‘Calm down, calm down, it’s a fact; it’s going to rain on Sunday.’ And I think to myself ‘Of course you are not worried because you won’t have your bike by Sunday because the garage told you it will take several days to repair it.’

At last, the day that we are all waiting for has arrived, today is Sunday and it’s cloudy, but it’s not raining. Early in the morning the big Lukas called me and said; ‘It’s going to rain for sure, because the web page is never wrong. This website is really good’.

Ok at the moment it’s not raining, and I think to myself; ‘If the weather is good, I going out with my colleagues on our bikes and you are going to be at home with your f*cking web page, ha ha ha! There is no rain during the morning, and by the afternoon he says he is going to borrow his brother’s bike and go out with us. I wonder how is he going to get the bike; who is going to give him a lift to his brother’s place? When suddenly he tells me ‘You give me a lift’.

‘Ok’ I tell him and all my questions are answered at this moment. Well, we are tight on time, almost as tight as Valentino Rossi’s leathers. We are going on the bike. Both on my motorcycle, yes both! I am XL size but you don’t think that the big Lukas is only called ‘big’ because he is the boss, chairman, president and the member number 1 of the club? He is, and he is also quite big.

Let’s go and look for adventure. The bike can’t be seen under us! We are too big. The big Lukas doesn’t move a muscle for fear of touching me. I would feel the same in the same situation. But the worst is braking and more so when you are in a hurry, what can I do? Option 1: If I go faster he would be more nervous and I don’t like that. And if I have to brake suddenly I have to hold his weight as he lurches forwards, it’s the same situation when Sete braked against Capirosi at the start of the MotoGp (I don’t want to have a problem with my neck). Option 2: If I ride slowly we are not going to get there on time. So what option do we choose? Obviously we choose option 3. This is to use a little bit of option 1 and a little bit of option 2. And with this method we arrive on time to get the bike.

The big Lukas looks like he’s riding a matchstick, he’s brother’s bike is so small compared to his own motorcycle. We both laugh a little bit, but our frivolity is going end as quickly as lollipops in the Jorge Lorenzo’s race paddock.

About 2km later big Lukas’ bike starts to misfire and then cuts out. I stop on the hard shoulder. And I tell him try to restart the engine. At that moment I feel like throwing my crash helmet at him, but my lid is new and the bike is not mine.

Thinking that we are not going to make it on time, the big Lukas has a flash of inspiration and he says ‘f*ck! The key of the petrol tank….I’m going to switch it on to reserve.’ And voila! It starts. The reason the bike misfired is because it’s all choked up and it needs a bit of revving. ‘But don’t worry, I promise to sort that out before we arrive, but beforehand I’m going to fill up with petrol near here, this will save time.’

But the pump attendant seems to have a lot of time on his hands: He fills the up the bikes very slowly and carefully, and takes our money one at a time. Anyway he seems to take as long as the Renault mechanics did in the pit stop at the Chinese F1.

While the pump attendant is finishing up, I went to the toilet, as usual the toilets are really dirty, despite the notice, the urinal is full of fag ends.

We have just enough time. We try to leave the petrol station, we are in first gear and we indicate and at that moment; a long line of cars, it’s a funeral! Five minutes later we can pull out and we try to overtake as many cars as we can without risk. We want to arrive without dying! When we arrive in Llovio (about 2km before out meeting point) the big Lukas stops again.

I ask; ‘What’s up now?’ the big Lukas answers; ‘My mobile is ringing.’ I reply ‘f*ck! Who is it?.’ ‘Nobody, it’s a wrong number. What a day it is!’ The next 2 km are uneventful and we arrive on time. We take photos and have a drink and best of all; it didn’t rain. For this reason Lukas the Wiseman keeps the link in my computer on our webpage and our blog, until one day I go mad and delete it.

PS. By the way, the link to the weather forecast deleted forever. (Best wishes to everybody, I will tell you more news when I have some).